Saturday, August 1, 2009

Bitch to Bacon Results!

The first annual Bitch to Bacon trail scramble was raced this morning at 9AM sharp. Instead of starting on the Three Bitches, as was the original plan, racers ran the "old dump" side of Hardy Road. But there were still three bitches to deal with...

Bitch #1: The trails are a confusing network
Bitch #2: The west side of the trails are overrun by a series of logging roads that were created in the past year
Bitch #3: The race course was unmarked

Indeed, other than the first turn, racers chose their route. There were three numbered stations on the course; each station was marked by an orange flag skewered through sheets of paper with that station's number. When you found a station, you had to pull of the number and run with it to prove that you had been to that station. All during the race, I was running around with a bottle of Allen's Coffee Brandy. I gave the runners helpful hints if they had a shot of the Brandy. Multiple shots (and hints) were encouraged.

The optimal path to get the numbers and return to the finish was about 4.2 miles. The runners with gps watches tended to run 7 to 7.5 miles. It took me about 50 minutes to run the 4.2 miles and set out the stations, and that includes taking 10 minutes to clear brush from one of the trail intersections. Four Hewes won the race in about 1:20 minutes. He was followed by Ryan and Carter. Carter was ahead of Ryan but Ryan made the decision to run through the pond while Carter was taking the trail around it (not realizing that the trail through the pond was the shorter route to the finish). I called Carter back through the pond so I could get a good picture. Valerie, Mindy, Emma & Ian were not far behind. Jamie helped support and took some video, which we will upload soon.

The number of shots drunk was directly proportional to how much you ran into me out in the woods, which was proportional to how lost you were. Ryan had the most shots but still came in 2nd!

We followed the race with a brunch and awards ceremony on my deck. In addition to plain bacon of course, Ryan upped the bar on bacon donut combos, including boston cream bacon and jelly bacon donuts. Thanks to Carter for supplying the awards - Butternuts Pork Slap pale ale.


  1. Looks like I missed an awesome time! Sounds like a great race, Jeff :-) I can't believe Ryan had 7 shots or something like that, and still managed to come back to the finish in one piece!!

  2. Jeff - this was so much fun, thanks for dreaming up the adventure and hosting. It was fantastic!!

  3. That looks like it was a great time! Congratulations, everybody!

    Wish I could have run, even though I'd have been running elsewhere at the time if I were able to.

    Love the pictures.

  4. I'm already out of Porkslap!

  5. is that mindy and emma sploshing through the river??? yarrrrrr!!! and have i ever seen a better photo than the second to the top with four people, headed in just as many directions?? if trail monsters were a band...might make a good cover...
    man i wish i'd been there. next year???? again, again???? (um, i don't know how to make a url...this is yana...)